What do you do when nobody seems to “get” you? Pretty much my whole childhood I felt I was misunderstood. No one ever really “got” the vomit phobia and I was constantly told that “no one likes vomiting” and that “vomiting is natural and just a way the body gets rid of poison”. OK, great, but this doesn’t help with the fear and panic that I experience every day.
One problem I had as a kid, and I remember it well, was embarrassment. I felt embarrassed to say to my psychiatrist (I was about 6 then) that I was scared of being sick. I felt embarrassed to say this to my parents. This led to a lot of misunderstandings and subsequently people thought I must have an eating disorder.
I was misunderstood at secondary school, with some people thinking that the vomit phobia was made up because really I was bulimic. Because I was underweight, people really thought this might be the case. I said many times, if only I was bulimic. And I am in no way belittling bulimia but it is more “known” among medical professionals. I felt at the time that if I was bulimic, someone could help me.
I don’t really have a point to this post other than to get over my feelings of bitterness, loneliness and depression around the fact that no one got what this was about. It doesn’t mean people don’t care. It is just difficult to understand when you haven’t experienced something yourself. I’ve found since I’ve become a mum, it isn’t just about me and my stupid emet. It’s about life. It’s about my boy. And yes, not everyone IS going to “get” me. And that’s ok. I guess I’ve come to a level of acceptance now.