Goodness, the weeks are flying by and I can’t quite believe it is May already. I feel anxious because June is nearly here. I know it is ridiculous but last June – June 21st, 5am, to be precise, I vomited. I know it is silly and I should forget it but I can’t. My vomitversary is upon me. I think the main reason I cannot let it go is because I still don’t understand WHY I was sick. WHY WHY WHY? I’ve asked myself for near on a year now and I have no answers. I went to bed fine. I couldn’t really sleep. I spent the whole night in a panic. I was then sick. Why?! I just don’t get it. And that’s what scares me. Any time, any day, it can get me. Now J would say that is ridiculous. There is no IT.
The thing I hate most is that I can bloody remember every day and time that I’ve been sick since I was 13. Ridiculous ey. August 14, 1.10am, 1994. Feb and May 2005, Nov 17, 2012, 9am, June 21 2016, 5am. The Feb and May 2005 events are a bit hazy because, and I hate to admit this, I was hungover! 2003-2005 was a really REALLY good place for me emet-wise. I finished uni, moved in with J, got a job. I felt independent, I felt grown up. I felt like I had to just crack on with life. I remember winning a case of win at work. I don’t think I’d ever really drank proper wine before! Proper being anything other than Zinfandel – god, the thought of a glass of that now is enough to make me feel sick haha. I remember going OTT at a friend’s house warming party. And I remember going OTT at MY house warming party. With the same friends. Oops. It was after these incidents that I fell back into a spiral of OMFG, what have I done and I can’t handle being sick. Even though J and I had a good laugh about it, agreed it was nothing and it’s what normal 20 somethings do now and again – have one too many and throw up.
Anyways the point of this post…to try and not obsess too much about dates and times and if, what’s and when’s. Let it goooooo, let it go…this is what I try and sing sometimes when I know I’m being a prat.