Due to this bloody vomit phobia, I found it really tough being a new mum. There were all the regular new mum worries, recovery from birth, as well as worrying about being sick. In all honesty I should have gone straight back on to Prozac once b was born. I didn’t though because I wanted to breastfeed (this didn’t really go to plan and I ended up expressing for a while). I also felt that I coped just fine through the pregnancy and that I’d somehow fail if I ended up back on pills. Looking back now, I was so stupid. I didn’t cope great through pregnancy at all and I’m not a failure for taking pills now.

It took me two years after the birth of my son to admit that I wasn’t coping well. I was depressed, part-suicidal and was not enjoying life as I felt a new mum should be. When I look back, I really wish I’d gotten help sooner and I wish I’d gone back on meds sooner. I look back and feel I wasted a lot of my maternity leave, worrying and feeling down. I know this isn’t unique to mums but I just didn’t want to admit to myself that I wasn’t doing so well mentally, again. There are aspects of the baby days that I DID enjoy though and there were things that DID help me. Here is my list of positives:

Meeting other mums through baby groups and baby sensory. Just getting out and about helped my mood. Although the thought of getting out and about was never appealing if I’m honest. I had to push myself a lot.

I’d also say meeting the “right” mums is important. I was feeling pretty vulnerable through maternity leave. I was completely out of my comfort zone and I felt like I had no bloody idea what I was doing half the time.  I’d say it is important to try and not compare yourself to other mums. It’s great to share stories but take some things with a pinch of salt!

Support. Having a supportive husband. I can’t say enough how great my husband has been throughout not just the baby days but pre and post baby days. He is brilliant and I honestly don’t think I’d be here if it weren’t for his support.

Getting a bit of exercise. I underestimated this but even if I had no real plans, it the weather was good, it was lovely just to get out and walk around the estate. I take for granted now how quiet little man was then, and how easily he could be soothed! Gone are those days now haha.

Taking each day as it comes. I try not to look to far ahead if I can help it. This helps me keep focused on the here and now. Not the ifs, whens, buts and maybes.

Having some aims. Coming from a 9-5, Monday to Friday job to being sat at home with a newborn was a huge shock for me. All of a sudden I felt completely useless. I know this isn’t the case – I was looking after a new life – but I somehow felt ridiculously inadequate and I really hated the fact my husband’s life carried on as if nothing had really changed. And this is the part I say I really really wish  I’d found blogging sooner. I wasn’t in a good place though and even though I’d had a new baby, I just felt what’s the point in life. I stopped reading, I stopped crocheting. I just didn’t care. So setting myself some small aims for each week DID help. And they may have just been super easy things – pop to the shop with the pram and pick up a red bull (my go-to as I don’t drink coffee). But they gave me some sense of worth throughout the week – that I had things other than baby stuff to “do”.

Did you have any similar feelings once you became a parent for the first time?

“Our

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
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26 thoughts on “Baby Days Depression and Anxiety

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  1. It sounds like you had a tough time. I’m glad things are better now. I know exactly what you mean about not always wanting to leave the house, but actually it’s always worth it isn’t it?

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  2. motherhoodjoys16

    May 13, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Sounds like you had a difficult time but glad you got through it. I also find having small aims for the week helps a lot

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  3. I’m glad you find some good in the dark. I didn’t suffer from depression but I was very aware that I could fall so I meditated and I asked my husband to keep an eye on me. I also exercised – running did, and does, make me feel so much better. Going back to work actually helped me as I started to feel ‘normal’ again. Glad that you’re feeling better #KCACOLS

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    • i think just being aware that you could slip into bad ways is a great sign of strength tbh. going back to work helped me too :) x

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  4. You’re amazing and I can completely identify. I struggled somewhat at the beginning and I agree, making some decent mummy friends and getting out to classes really helped. You’re sending a positive message out there by sharing your story xx #KCACOLS

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  5. I understand some of the feelings you experienced. Your life changes so much that even small tasks like taking the bins out or cleaning the bathroom are achievements. I’ve tried to break house tasks down into 15 minute chunks and try to get one done a day, makes me feel better! Next tasks is to work on some “me time”! #KCACOLS

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    • ah dont get me started on bins haha! i honestly thought i’d have a break down when the bin men didnt collect our bin one day when b was tiny! i literally went into meltdown. seems so silly now!

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  6. You are so right about meeting the “right type of mums”. Some can be so offish and make you feel like you are doing everything wrong.
    #KCACOLS

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  7. I’m so sorry you had such a tough time after the birth of your son. I’m also so sorry that there is still such a negative stigma attached to mental illness that you felt like you were weak for going back on your treatment. It sounds like you’ve learned so much though, and I am very happy to hear that you’re getting better <3 Not comparing yourself to other moms is sooooo important-I've learned that myself. When I found myself comparing, it wasn't for the better. And confidence is so important as a mom! Thank you so much for sharing #KCACOLS

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    • confidence is key – definitely. and when i was depressed, me self esteem and confidence were below zero. its such a viscous circle of doubt and blame. its horrid. i fell super happy at the mo. sure there are down and crappy days but that’s life really and it’s about taking the rough with the smooth and feeling content xx

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  8. A great post to share and I can totally relate to these feelings. To be honest I have been very up and down since both of my children arrived. I missed work terribly as I knew what I was doing there. My son’s diagnosis hit me hard, it still does, and the change that came with that was hard too. Being a mum isn’t easy and I think we also tend to put ourselves under pressure too. Some great advise, I think I need to start making some of these changes too.

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements :0)
    x

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    • sorry to hear you’ve had a rough time too. i dont think anyone can prepare you really. and yes, we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves. thank you for having me on the linky :) xx

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  9. I definitely tried to get out every single day even if it was just for a walk as staying inside the house made me feel like I was going mad! I agree that meeting other mums and going to groups and things was good too. I think a lot of these points like exercise, trying not to look too far ahead are really helpful for any moment in time when you have worries or anxieties. I hope you are feeling a bit better now. #KCACOLS

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  10. I did not realise how completely overwhelming having a new baby would be. I take similar steps to you – make sure I get out of the house at least every other day and I do things for me as well as for her. The biggest challenge for me is meeting other mums as I have dreadful social anxiety. It’ll get easier. This too shall pass! Thanks for sharing :-) #KCACOLS

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    • Nothing can compare you ey. People say that and it sounds a cliche but it’s so bloody true. Sorry you suffer social anxiety. i wrote a post about that too on the blog. nothing helpful tho, just how restricting it can be – mine is more linked to worrying about being sick all the time. Have you joined any groups or tried the children’s centres? i found groups ok because everyone is in the same boat really. still tough though sometimes when your tired as hell and just cant be bothered!! x

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      • It is totally limiting! And it’s judgement that has stopped me joining mummy groups. We formula feed and have done since day one, which is apparently a cardinal sin. Maybe I’ll join one day

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      • ah yes, i found the same actually and felt very self conscious when i got my bottle out :/ I found once babies started weaning, people stopped caring so much about how i fed my boy and why i wasnt breastfeeding. instead the next phase started – puree vs baby led weaning !! argh! just try and be confident in your decisions – hard to do though i know x

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  11. I remember sitting in my house for weeks feeling so low while my husband was working once i had had my first child. It took me a while to get my head around having a baby and getting some kind of life back. I started making sure i went out 3 times a week – even if it was to window shop in a shopping center, just to get a bit or normality back. I was out quite often after i realised i could leave the house with a newborn. Second time round i was attending regular toddler groups from very early on. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday x

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  12. It’s only when I look back I realise when and where I’ve struggled…I don’t seem to recognise when I’m within the situation, so it can be hard not to let the ‘mummy guilt’ for not changing things kick in. Mums in other groups can make a massive difference to whether the experience was positive or negative. I’ve been in some horrid situations on over sensitive days which have made me never want to go back.

    I hope you manage to stay happy and enjoy your time with the little one . It goes so fast doesn’t it?! #KCACOLS

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