To be honest, I’ve never overly wanted a baby. I’ve never been one of these super broody women who adores kids and really wanted a child. I never even “liked” kids if I am really really honest. They are germy, they get sick, they are messy, they stick god knows what in their mouths and they lick their hands and fingers ALLLLL the time.They just didn’t fit with “me” – me being “emetophobic woman”. Why on earth would I put myself through it – nine months of pregnancy, the risk of being sick (morning sickness) and then a child. A child who WOULD be sick. A baby who WOULD be sick. Why would I do that?
Well the answer being that I guess my real want for a little bubba outweighed my decision to let emetophobia dictate my life. And I kind of feel all along that I’ve pushed myself away from wanting to like kids because I thought it would be easy to take that route than admit that I actually wanted them. I refused, and I mean I absolutely REFUSED, to let this awful phobia dictate whether I’d be a mum or not. For me, it was completely nonnegotiable. If I let myself succumb to anxiety and emet, then no, having a baby would not be a good idea. But the rational part of my brain kicked in and told me that yes, I could and WOULD get through it and that it WOULD be worth it. It also helped that I have an amazing husband who has supported every minute of the pregnancy, birth and bringing up of our fantastic little man. You can read more about how deals with the phobia too!
We are nearly three years in, and honestly, I’m beyond pleased that I stuck two fingers up to emetophobia and had my boy. It wasn’t easy and I was sick. And he’s been sick. But we’ve all gotten through it. And actually having him has given me a reason to carry on “getting through it”. When I vomited last summer, it was seeing b the next day that made me realise what a “non” event vomiting should be. Here was my little dude, smiling, cuddling and needing me. He didn’t care that I’d been sick. It wasn’t a big deal to him. And it didn’t have to be a big deal to me. In reality, it is a big deal still and it still bothers me but I have him in my life and he helps me through it…without even realising.